Love and Possessiveness
Possessiveness in relationship is often understood to be wrong but the fact is that two individuals come into a relationship because they posses each other with the feeling of love. This can prove to be either a boon or a curse! The right amount of possessiveness in a relationship makes one feel special and cared. To love and to be loved is the most beautiful feeling in the world. Too much of Possessiveness in a relationship may grow up to be a curse when it becomes a kind of ownership.
Being possessive means, calling up the loved one number of times…may be almost every hour at work: Inquiring “where are you? Who are you with? What are you doing? Keeping a check on their belongings, wallet, purse, or briefcase, pockets and shelves; eavesdropping on conversations; resentment on the time spent with his friends and family. In such situations just to keep peace at home the partner keeps on giving in just to realize that he/she has lost freedom to have thoughts, likes and dislikes of his/her own!
The dominant nature of relationships is kind of violence….!! This is due to poor self-confidence, a low-level of creativity, and deep feelings of being unloved. Such people are very insecure and are afraid of others’ freedom. They assume that unless they bind their loved ones, they will be left behind, or not loved in return. So they suffocate them with their possessive violent love.
Possessiveness in relationships is all about who wants to control whom. Controlling another person often means a power struggle, dominance and inflicting another lifestyle on the less aggressive person. It leaves the possessive person with constant pangs of anxiety and the need to be on guard. This tension does not give room for liberated mind and ‘let go’ values.
This just struck me when I was taking Frizbee….my sister’s doggy for a walk. When we start possessing someone, we bind ourselves also! It is kind of walking holding your dog’s leash, we have to be very clear that we are also bound. Don’t think only the dog is bound. You are also bound. Don’t think that only the dog cannot run away, you too cannot run away! We may think that we are holding the rope and the dog may be thinking that he is holding the rope. Who knows? 🙂
It’s a human nature to place our attention in the wrong space and miss the truth. When we place our attention on an object…….that’s the beloved person. We miss out on the inner experience of love that happens. We misunderstand that the excitement and the joy of love happens because of the object…the beloved person. We need to understand that the excitement or the joy of love happens not because of the person but because of our feelings towards that person. It is an energy that happens in us. It is related to our experience.
Good relationships — whether between friends, spouses or partners — are about nurturing, caring, and loving each other without putting limits on the other. To grow, one needs sincere affection and constant dialogue to make sure they don’t fall into the possessive trap.
Both men and women can become possessive in relationships, often to the detriment of the union. Ironically, the more possessive a person becomes, the more their partner will likely struggle to be free, hence making the person feel an even greater need to control the situation. It is a vicious and emotionally draining situation. Feeling possessiveness toward another is based on feelings of scarcity and insecurity, Possessiveness also often stems from feelings of jealously, and fear that a partner does not love them. People who are self-confident and happy with themselves typically have faith that their partner will love them too, and don’t feel a need to control the relationship or their partner.
TO conclude we can say, Possessiveness is an important factor in love; it enhances love & gives your love partner a feeling of importance & security. But in certain cases possessiveness creates interference. Your partner may feel that he/she is in a cage of love, and a cage of anything is not good!
Any relationship is important for a particular individual. Some are very intimate ones like Parent-Child relationships, love relations and relationships between good friends.
All these relationships are very sweet, delicate & very sensitive.
Trust is the glue which ties any relationship and makes it stronger day by day.
Reaffirm your love. Sometimes all a person needs to get over a possessive or jealous nature is reassurance that they’re loved. Taking the time to rekindle the love in your relationship will increase your overall happiness and peace of mind.
Paru Krishnakant “Piyuni”